Do you have an idea as to why I want to disappear so badly and as to why I want the bones found unappealing?

The problem isn't your body, it your view on it. You have to learn to love your body, not all of it necessarily but a few things so that when you feel bad about yourself you can 'well i have really great legs so there!' everyone suffers with self consciousness, you really just have to learn to change your state of mind not your body. Being anorexic will not make you happier, eventually it will make you die and you better hope you have God because an eternity in hell is a lot worse then a life here serving him with our imperfect bodies followed by an eternity of perfection in every single way.